My name is Megan, I’m 31, and from Houston, Texas. I’m a writer by day and as of recently, a mom, by night. My memoir 99 Problems but a Baby Ain’t One – A Memoir about Cancer, Adoption, and My Love for Jay-Z was recently published. Eleven months ago my husband and I watched our birthmother deliver a baby girl who we named Macy Carter. (“Macy” after the movie Uncle Buck and “Carter” in homage to my favorite rapper, Jay-Z.)
Knowing that about me, you would think my “love story” would be about my daughter, or perhaps the next most obvious choice, my husband Danny, having endured a lot together. While I love them both – today’s love story is about Macy’s birthparents.
I think the best way to articulate this love between Macy’s birthparents and I, which can often be difficult for people to understand, is through an excerpt of my book. This excerpt takes place at the end of the book. Our birthmother and I had just returned home from our 48 hour hospital stay together and wrote one another emails. (These are the actual emails we wrote one another and not fictionalized in any way with the exception of changing our birthmother’s name.)
To: Megan and Danny
From: Sarah (*Our birthmother)
Thank you. For loving her and giving her what she deserves. Y’all are a gift from God sent for that angel. I know everything that I chose to do was the right decision. She is very blessed to have y’all as her parents. And I am very blessed as well to have you as friends. Thank you for not pushing me away. For allowing me to be a part of her life, I am eternally grateful. I love y’all very much.
From: Megan & Danny
I always thought the day Danny and I came home from the hospital with a baby, biological or adopted alike, it would be the best days of our life. I know now that isn’t true. Don’t get me wrong. I love Macy with everything I have, but I can’t fully enjoy her presence because my heart is breaking for you. Please know that there isn’t a minute that has gone by since I’ve been home that I’m not thinking of you, grieving for you, and hoping you’re okay. How can I be happy for me when I’m so sad for you?
I know it will get easier for both of us. Time heals everything but it doesn’t erase it. I will NEVER be able to repay you for the gift you gave us. What I can do, however, is take care of that little girl – our little girl- like no little girl has been cared for before. I can take care of her so she never needs or wants for anything. (Well, she can want for some stuff…we don’t want her being a spoiled diva!) That little girl will be the most loved girl in the entire planet. She is the luckiest girl in the whole entire world. All because of you.
I love you so much. Thank you.
It’s been a year since I wrote that email and thankfully the heaviness I was feeling at the time has completely been replaced with happiness. Especially because we’re busy working on adopting a sibling for Macy! To keep up with that and our other daily antidotes, check out my lifestyle blog Greetings From Texas! and again, my book, 99 Problems but a Baby Ain’t One can be purchased on Amazon.